Hooray for the red, white, and blue. Enjoy your beers and barbecues. Here’s some more delicious nonsense that turned up in our spam filters recently.

America the free:

Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Hmmm. 1,300+ murders on Mayor Nutter’s clock. Out of control flash mobs. A violent and failed school system. A public housing director with multiple sexual harassment allegations against him. [No, this is not an old Featherman for Mayor ad, lol!] Michael Nutter has no right to lecture Mitt Romney about “urban America” when Nutter can’t even take care of business at home. But I know what this is all about! It’s about a cabinet position in the Obama Administration. That’s why Nutter weighed in on the Trayvon Martin shooting, and that’s why Nutter is going national again. Sorry, Mayor Nutter, but the thought of “Mayor Darrell Clarke” is gross. Unfortunately, I think we’ll keep you for the next 3 1/2 years, and, to ensure that, we’ll elect Romney as president.

Cannie Shapiro is overweight and her size makes her feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. When she goes to the beach she covers the rolls with a sarong.

Amazingly, she still had the energy she needed to chase after her grandchildren.

Q: What’s the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time? A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Why not add the Fliver King to your collection. Henery Ford boasted that his employees and workers could afford the things that he and they made. An ideal economy, what!

I never let my ovaries do their thing, but then again, I’m Canadian. You really don’t want us snowbacks over-running you guys.

Oops, sorry to double post, but I’m super stoked for the Sikfuk/Cemetery Rapist split, although I’m sure it’s pretty much just Sergeant D and me that are waiting on what will surely be this years wigger slam masterpiece, haha.

Some sage advice:

Learn to be a carpenter to become rich

If you run after 2 hares, you will catch neither.

Throw a lucky man in the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his Ò.

At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons.

Why is it that most wedding toasts end up sounding like a eulogy? lol

Then there’s this confused stuff:

My is sirname

I’ve seen this guy perform where he produces oodles of bananas to just look at.

I am a hot hypnonist mistress. I will hypnotise you and take all your money and fuck you up loser fag bitch boy! I have naked pictures for sale loser. I order you to buy them.

[On occasion some of the spam we get is too good not to share. So this column is where we do just that. Follow it here.]

Every once and a while it’s fun to go through our spam trap and read all the ridiculous stuff. It’s mostly robo-Chinese, but occasionally there’s a pretty good one. Here are my ten favorite from this fall. (Try reading them out loud like poems.)

Fall 2011 Spam Slam

10. I relish, cause I discovered just what I used to be looking for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

9. certainly like your web-site but you need to test the spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the truth nevertheless I will definitely come again again.

8. Seeking to look for you, can I attain the twitter?

7. A short while ago, because i ended up being at the workplace, my personal step-brother borrowed my own apple company ipad together with examined to determine if it can survive some sort of fourty shoe shed, simply so she can often be a metacafe experiencing. My personal apple company ipad is destroyed and she or he provides Eighty three landscapes. I understand that is completely out of subject however needed to talk about that by using somebody!

6. you truly suck even a monkey does it far better

5. I am commenting to zoom on the most amazing crawdad plastic on the market right now, for me its the speed craw nothing has action with those claws.

4. I’m a huge victoria silvstedt fan.

3. avocado tailcoat wierczejewsky Gilli congregation hacker lobster dreamscape polymorphous

2. There’s literally a first time for everything. That Gamestop chick was cute as all hell.

1. Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to market our body elements for cash!

[On occasion some of the spam we get is too good not to share. So this column is where we do just that. Follow it here.]

We get a fair amount of spam in our comments. Most of it is banal, trying to sell SEO services with awkward, Google-translated text. But we get occasional gems. Here are the 10 best so far, presented in no particular order and without further comment. For many (see the “dingo skin” entries) your guess is as good as any as to what they are translating and why. Read them out loud as poetry, it makes the whole thing even better.

Enjoy! (Heads up, the last one is PG-13.)

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Summer 2011 Spam Slam

10. They kill roosters For those silly feather cheap hair extensions?! Genuinely?!

9. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list

8. Lifes not all beer and skittles

7. I cannot consider we should be working in loincloths made of dingo skin, as good as were excited to routine. Just after we understand it may be well calculating, will probably be fine.

6. ssssssssssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfdssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfdssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfdssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfd ssssssfsdfsdfsdfd

5. Spammers are such assholes, I ponder if anybody ever clicks on their hyperlinks?

4. Please help me. Two days ago I was working 3rd shift at work and a dude came up to my register to pay his food ticket and he went into his pants pocket and brought out a $1 bill and said, “This is all I have in my wallet. I do not have the remaining cash to pay you.” Then he did the most amazing thing. He instsantly turned the dollar bill into a visa card. OMG I went home and got on google and found the magic trick video BUT I ain’t paying twenty nine dollars to know the secret. Can you figure the illusion out?

3. What an incredible green area rug! It could be an ideal surprise for my personal pal’s forthcoming (Hallow’s eve) special birthday. We appreciate you all the fantastic tips that you share.

2. I really don’t feel we should be dressed in loincloths made of dingo skin, quite as good as we’ve been from a position to discover. The second we understand is usually genuinely worth understanding, it astounding.

1. I was feeling my encounter obtaining comfortable as I imagined how his wang had moved further inside me than any 1 actually did before. And this guy had a entire body and a wang bigger than any man I’ve experienced prior to. The evil within my body created me do issues, which can trigger an huge really like affair in that extremely moment. I tried to talk to him whilst teasing him with my attractive african ass. I could see that he experimented with to steal a glance at my lovely black booty. After I found the proper time, I by no means hesitated to offer him a flirty and lustful looks.